Thanks for the Pooping Lesson Bracksey.
The call has been heard in Spring Street that we've got a skills shortage. In another hysterical move, the state Labor government has seen fit to start in the area of greatest shortage - toilet skills. I would have given my right arm to be on the project that produced the poster pictured above. Can you imagine the giggling? Half of each project meeting would have been spent rolling on the floor. I'm guessing that the department responsible is hitting new lows of productivity with staff taking days off with split sides. My GST dollars went into producing this joke and I want to know more about it.
Let's assume firstly that this isn't just a government department running off the rails trying to hit its massive bureaucratic waste budget for the year and that there was an actual need to teach the citizens how to use a dunny. Are parents no longer doing their duty and raising functional toilet going citizens? Have people forgotten and just 'wing it', so to speak, when the find themselves in the cubicle? I need to hear from people who have found these posters useful. Are we de-evolving as a species? Or perhaps there's something more sinister happening...
Some time in 2005 Channel Ten aired a programe called Big Brother. The show was all about a bunch of young Aussie nobel prize laureates, hand-picked to highlight the paradox of our elite, well-educated population, and elegant social culture against our under-developed economy characterised by low-tech, low value export of primary agricultural and mining products... I can't remember it that well but it was a great show and the nation is justifiably proud of its youth. At one memorable point in the show some bloke with a name like 'Meatballs' (I think he was a surgeon) initiated a nefarious campaign of lavatory abuse through the introduction of the "Reverse Kanga" position. I'm sure you can look it up on the internet somewhere and I assure you it is unorthodox. The popularity of the TV show would have inspired many copy-cat campaigns in Australian society generally. I suspect this may have been the impetus behind Victorian department of human services counteracting such crimes against porcelain. But if this is the case why has the "Reverse Kanga" not been featured on the poster? Also how is a poster supposed to work against a criminal? I suspect it will be just about as effective as the tonnes of paper produced every year by the Defpartment of Foreign Affairs urging our citizens to not carry illegal drugs in South East Asia becuase the authorities there will execute. To stamp out this sort of bathroom atrocity we don't need posters, we need legislation! The message must be driven home to our legislators - shit, or get off the pot.
The call has been heard in Spring Street that we've got a skills shortage. In another hysterical move, the state Labor government has seen fit to start in the area of greatest shortage - toilet skills. I would have given my right arm to be on the project that produced the poster pictured above. Can you imagine the giggling? Half of each project meeting would have been spent rolling on the floor. I'm guessing that the department responsible is hitting new lows of productivity with staff taking days off with split sides. My GST dollars went into producing this joke and I want to know more about it.Let's assume firstly that this isn't just a government department running off the rails trying to hit its massive bureaucratic waste budget for the year and that there was an actual need to teach the citizens how to use a dunny. Are parents no longer doing their duty and raising functional toilet going citizens? Have people forgotten and just 'wing it', so to speak, when the find themselves in the cubicle? I need to hear from people who have found these posters useful. Are we de-evolving as a species? Or perhaps there's something more sinister happening...
Some time in 2005 Channel Ten aired a programe called Big Brother. The show was all about a bunch of young Aussie nobel prize laureates, hand-picked to highlight the paradox of our elite, well-educated population, and elegant social culture against our under-developed economy characterised by low-tech, low value export of primary agricultural and mining products... I can't remember it that well but it was a great show and the nation is justifiably proud of its youth. At one memorable point in the show some bloke with a name like 'Meatballs' (I think he was a surgeon) initiated a nefarious campaign of lavatory abuse through the introduction of the "Reverse Kanga" position. I'm sure you can look it up on the internet somewhere and I assure you it is unorthodox. The popularity of the TV show would have inspired many copy-cat campaigns in Australian society generally. I suspect this may have been the impetus behind Victorian department of human services counteracting such crimes against porcelain. But if this is the case why has the "Reverse Kanga" not been featured on the poster? Also how is a poster supposed to work against a criminal? I suspect it will be just about as effective as the tonnes of paper produced every year by the Defpartment of Foreign Affairs urging our citizens to not carry illegal drugs in South East Asia becuase the authorities there will execute. To stamp out this sort of bathroom atrocity we don't need posters, we need legislation! The message must be driven home to our legislators - shit, or get off the pot.
posted by Paul Staugaitis at 4:21 PM
7 Comments:
No comment on your stupid blog. I want you to stop spending so much time blogging and come home early to exercise the dog.
I agree with Fire. We have to look at this further! If this department were doing their job properly surely they could have come up with more than two wrong ways to crap!
As Fire also points out their chosen method is questionable and really needs reviewed.
How can one contact these people?
Fire makes some good points, however I seem to recall him saying at one stage that his "number 2" duration can sometimes be as short as the time it takes to load a the next BF2 (Battlefield 2) game. (which on his computer I would estimate at around 60 seconds).
My question is: What "special" techniques is Fire using and when can we expect to see it posted on the back of the toilet door?
Your girlfriend should get a blog!
How come girls don't find shit that's really funny all that funny?
It seems this post has struck a chord. Fire's "giant drop" technique or "tripod" for those with exemplary extrusion abilities seems to be a popular - BUT I believe it should be classed in the green zone of acceptable use and not be banned by our lawmakers.
The question remains as to how many wrong ways there are. I would think there are more than 20.
Some great comments. Just so you know, the department is currently working on a revised version of the how-to-poo poster.
The amendments will include 101 "do's and don'ts" in the fine art of cable laying and will be distributed in booklet form.
There will also be a supplemental 50 variations for the visually impared (well you try taking a shit with a dog).
Ah, there's no place like Victoria!
Ahhh... Firestarter is a professional Poo'er. I remember one day we were going the MCG and were running late. As we headed out the door, he said "I need a poo" we all groaned because this was an additionial 5 minutes we didnt have. But to his credit, he snapped one of in record time. I distinctly remember the look of glee on his face when he said.. "That was a good shit, snapped if off so clean I didnt even have to wipe!" Case closed. No toilet paper needed. (given the right circumstances.
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